just everything

I no longer can hold on to you, this suffering, this pain. I’m done. 

It’s been a month since I’ve struggled with a broken heart. After being sick, 

it was a wake up call. I missed you. I loved you. I wanted to be with you again. 

I thought there would be a little chance for us to be back together. Now, I know that

that would never happen and I wouldn’t let it happen again. 

I’m tired and sick of crying. I’m tired and sick of thinking about you and what we once had.

I know for a fact that you did love me once, and it was sincere. 

After the whole Idol phase, you lost of track of what we had. 

You had no time to think about us, and you focused on your career more.

That means that you cared about your career more than me. 

That means that you didn’t care to place me in your future plans.

You had once said that you dreamt of seeing me walk down the aisle with my dad

and my dad giving my hand to you. You wanted my parents’ blessings. I’m sorry, 

but that will never even happen. Don’t come back to me. Don’t think about me. Don’t go regretting about letting me go. You know why? Because I don’t want anything to do with you. 

I’ll cry. I’ll get sick. I’ll get mad. I’ll miss you, but I don’t want you to come to me saying you wish you had held on to me back then. I won’t call you an asshole, a jerk, or a fucking bastard anymore. 

I’m going to only let myself cry about myself. I’m not going to cry about you. 

If I am in pain, I’m going to let myself deal with it. I don’t want to think of you while I hurt myself.

I want to be alone and not be associated with you.

Thanks for everything and being my first. Thanks for showing me that everything that you once had said didn’t even mean anything towards the end. I wish at least though that everything you said had some value before the break up, but I guess that was too much to ask for. 

Let me be me. Let me hurt and be broken hearted.